Go to the pain to find the solution
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Go to the pain to find the solution

When it comes to pain, an important question to ask yourself is: How do we relate to pain? How we relate to pain decides whether the pain is sucking the life out of us or fueling our healing.

The basic way we tend to relate to pain is to try to avoid it. If we want to turn pain into fuel for our healing, we have to relate to it differently, and that’s no easy task. First of all, the primitive parts of our brain (the reptilian brain or the hindbrain) are wired to avoid pain. In this way, we are not that different from our reptilian counterparts. Second, pain avoidance is something that has been reinforced over and over again by the people around us throughout our lives. Third, avoiding pain is what most of the health world supports. Most people you turn to for help, even alternative health professionals, want to help you avoid pain.

You may have heard that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. Well, if you’ve been relating to grief in the same way and nothing changes, you might want to think about taking a different route. The solution is to go towards the pain. How are you going to the bread? Bring your attention to that. Where is it exactly? Look at the limits. Are they clear or blurry? Rough or smooth? Does the pain end abruptly somewhere or does it radiate? does it have volume? Form? Texture? Maybe it’s heavy and solid like a brick, or maybe it’s a viscous fluid like chocolate pudding. Maybe it has color?

When you direct your attention to the pain in this way, you may notice that something changes. Maybe the pain moves to some other part of your body. Maybe it will decrease in intensity, or maybe it will increase in intensity. Maybe you start to feel really angry or sad. Maybe there is some story that comes to the surface: you find yourself arguing in your head with your dad or your boss.

Now let it go and see how you feel. Do you feel different? I bet you do. Any change you can notice, even if the pain has gotten worse, means progress. That might go against conventional wisdom, but as they used to say in Scooby-Doo, “He’s so crazy, it just might work.”

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