For a variety of reasons, sometimes a couple decides to have a very small private wedding ceremony with a justice of the peace, rather than a full-scale wedding party. Whatever the reason, it’s not uncommon for the happily married couple to decide several years later that they’d like to have a traditional wedding complete with all the trimmings, the one they didn’t have the first time. This is a look at the etiquette and practical considerations of planning a grand wedding after a private ceremony.
There can be a number of reasons why a bride and groom might decide to forgo a big wedding and have their marriage formalized privately by a justice of the peace, however there are some very common scenarios. Sometimes it was lack of money at the time of the marriage, and as the couple becomes more financially secure, they decide they really want the fancy wedding they missed out on. Other times, the wedding was rushed, due to a military deployment or a pregnancy. Another reason a couple who would have liked a grand wedding may have decided to have a private ceremony is if their marriage took place shortly after the death of an immediate family member. It’s surely in poor taste to throw a lavish celebration while the family is in mourning, so a small wedding would certainly have been the best thing to do; However, once enough time has passed, a large wedding would be perfectly appropriate.
Here’s the thing: if you’re already married, you’re already married. When a formal wedding follows a previous marriage ceremony, it is technically a renewal of vows. Much of what you do may be the same as any first-time wedding, but some changes are required. Can the bride wear a long white dress? Absolutely. Is a long veil and train appropriate? Not to be a downer, but no. A floor-length wedding dress with a stunning piece of hair jewelry instead of a veil is the way to go. You can still have bridesmaids, all dressed in pretty bridesmaid dresses and jewelry precede you down the aisle, and of course have a flower girl if you wish.
As for the actual wedding ceremony, it can be anywhere you like, from a church to a private club to your own home. Many couples will choose to have the big wedding on the same date as their original wedding anniversary, although it is not required. The reception can certainly be as lavish as any first-time wedding. Skip the garter toss please!
Gifts are a big part of weddings, but most couples who are already married prefer to make it clear to their guests that gifts are not required. Never write anything about gifts on a wedding or vow renewal invitation, even if it’s a no-gifts request. Ask your closest family and friends to spread the word, which is very effective. If someone decides to give you a gift anyway, just graciously accept it and consider yourself lucky to meet such generous people. By the way, a bachelorette party is not appropriate for a woman who is already married. However, you could have a special night with your bridesmaids; It would also be the perfect time to give them your bridesmaid jewelry gifts.
Perhaps the most fun part of planning a big wedding after a private ceremony is that you finally get exactly what you want. By the time a couple makes up their minds, the bride is usually mature enough to feel comfortable taking the reins for herself, rather than handing over the details of the wedding to her mother. After years of dreaming, it is truly a pleasure to see her wedding vision come true!