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The five golden rules of Tinder

Internet dating sucks. I’ve heard a lot of guys say this line to me, and it’s usually guys who haven’t been on a date in months that say it. I understand that if you don’t get love online, the entire World Wide Web is the number one thing to blame, but just like we can’t blame the entire chicken industry for a bad chicken leg at KFC, we can’t blame Internet for our appointments. ayes The fault lies with one person. YOUR

Tinder IS the best dating app since… well, forever. My friends and I have never been on so many dates in so little time with little to no effort. The best thing about Tinder is that it allows you to essentially “speed date”, match up with a girl, banter back and forth a bit, and get a date. Yes, not all girls will accept your request for a romantic evening under the stars, but they are on Tinder for a reason, and if they have cheated on you, then they are already considering meeting you. So, without further ado, let me break down the five golden rules of Tinder so that you, too, can enjoy the benefits that Tinder brings to so many men.

1.) 5 good photos: Now guys, I’m NOT talking about mirror selfies or shirtless selfies. Delete them from your phone immediately. These would be great if you were into Grinder, but luckily for us men, the female of our species isn’t looking for a six-pack online. She can find that any day and anywhere. Photos should be clear, at least an iPhone 6, but I’d suggest a better camera than that. You need a head shot, a full body shot, a shot of you enjoying an activity and showing how amazing your life is. I also suggest that you don’t have pictures of you drunk and hanging out with some girls. Some guys will upload photos with them surrounded by girls in a nightclub. This just seems to strain. Just show up with some friends, in fancy situations, looking like a cool guy. End of story. Selfies are a big NO NO. Oh, and no photos of your… masculinity, no matter how impressive you think it might be.

2.) The opening line: Okay, delete the following line from memory “Hey, how are you?” NEVER!!! Say this line again. Do you realize how many matches a beautiful girl can have a day? And you’re opening with the most boring, generic, mundane sentence of all time. Put yourself in a girl’s shoes for a moment. She has jumped on Tinder. Probably because she’s bored and a little curious. Most girls will play it like a video game, with no intention of meeting anyone, so the only way to communicate with these girls is to MAKE IT FUN. Make it rhetorical and don’t ask a question. She can answer if she wants to, if not, who cares. She has to be needlessly, carelessly, and seen as a simple expression of the awesomeness that radiates through you. These are some of my favorite first lines.

1. I feel for your witty and creative tagline that you may be missing a bit of magic and flavor in your day, so I offer you the opportunity to have your day enhanced by the presence of my awesomeness.

2. (Insert name here) I think you have a confession to make…

3. I am currently trying on a variety of outfits for my costume party tonight. I’m thinking Batman, but then again, the redness of Superman’s underwear really makes my eyes pop.

4. I had the weirdest day today. I woke up thinking it was Saturday, but quickly realized it was (insert day here). Luckily I’m fast and got to work on time.

You can see that all of these opening lines have one thing in common. They communicate that I don’t care, that I’m not taking it too seriously, that I’m a happy guy, that I’m making it fun, and that I’m probably a cool guy too.

3.) Disconnect quickly: The world of Tinder moves fast, just like the real world moves fast. Women are emotional creatures, and once they stop feeling, they begin to forget. You could be awesome on Monday, but by Tuesday, you could be completely forgotten if you don’t stay fresh in her mind. That’s why you need to become a real person as fast as you can. Tinder should only be the method of meeting and opening. After that, you need to log out as fast as you can. Get that phone number within 4-6 messages. Just make it fun, fun, fun, fun, and then say the following sentence.

“Hey, I’ve got to go. I’ve got lives to inspire. You sound like you’re not a creep or a stalker. I like that. Give me your number and maybe I’ll text you.”

4.) Get the first meeting fast: My advice is to get it for that night. But I understand that some people may have to work weeknights, so you may have to wait a bit. But get it done as quickly as possible, and then once a day until the meeting, send a funny message to keep it fresh in the girl’s mind. Remember, woman, she follows her emotions, she keeps giving her emotions, and she will remember you, the moment you get bored, goodbye to you, kind sir.

5.) Don’t bite off more than you can chew: This may be a quality problem. But once you’ve handled steps 1-4, this can become a problem. If you start matching too much and start talking to too many, then you can actually start getting nothing. “The person who chases two rabbits catches none

Best regards,

Saxon

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