Anger is a strong emotion of disgust caused by some type of grievance that is real or that a person perceives as real. Cognitive behavior theory attributes anger to various factors such as past experiences, behavior learned from others, genetic predispositions, and lack of ability to solve problems. To put it more simply, anger is caused by a combination of two factors: an irrational perception of reality (“You have to do it my way”) and a low point of frustration (“It’s my way or it’s not my way. “). Anger is an internal reaction that is perceived as an external cause. Angry people almost always blame some person or event for their reactions, but they rarely realize that the reason they are angry is because of their irrational perception of the world. Angry people have a certain perception and expectation of the world they live in and when that reality does not meet their expectations, then they get angry.
It is important to understand that not all anger is unhealthy. Anger is one of our most primitive defense mechanisms that protects us and motivates us from being dominated or manipulated by others. It gives us the additional strength, courage, and motivation needed to combat injustice committed against ourselves or others we love. However, if anger is left uncontrolled and free to take over the mind and body at any moment, the anger becomes destructive.
Why do we need to control anger
Like a person under the control of a street drug, a person under the influence of anger cannot rationalize, understand, or make good decisions because anger distorts logical reasoning and turns it into a blind emotion. You become unable to think clearly and your emotions take over your actions. Physiologically speaking, anger represents the fight or flight response in our brain, increasing our blood pressure and releasing adrenaline into our bloodstream, thereby increasing our threshold for strength and pain. Anger makes us think of only two things: (1) Defend or (2) Attack. Neither of these options facilitates a good negotiation.
Internal sources of anger
Our internal sources of anger stem from our irrational perceptions of reality. Psychologists have identified four types of thinking that contribute to anger.
1. Emotional reasoning. People who reason emotionally misinterpret normal events and the things that other people say as a direct threat to their needs and goals. People who use emotional reasoning tend to get irritated by something innocent that other people say to them because they perceive it as an attack on themselves. Emotional reasoning can lead to long-term dysfunctional anger.
2. Low tolerance for frustration. All of us at some point have experienced a time when our tolerance for frustration was low. Stress-related anxiety often lowers our tolerance for frustration and we begin to perceive normal things as threats to our well-being or threats to our ego.
3. Unreasonable expectations. When people make demands, they see things as they should be and not as they really are. This reduces your tolerance for frustration because people who have unreasonable expectations expect others to act in a certain way, or for uncontrollable events to behave in a predictable way. When these things don’t go their way, then anger, frustration, and eventually depression appear.
4. Qualification of people. People rating is a type of angry thinking in which the person applies a derogatory label to another person. By calling someone a “bitch” or a “bastard” you dehumanize them and make it easier for them to get angry at that person.
External sources of anger
There are hundreds of internal and external events that can make us angry, but given the parameters of a trading situation, we can reduce these factors to four general events.
1. The person attacks us personally. The other side attacks you along with the problem in the form of verbal abuse.
2. The person attacks our ideas. The other side cuts off our ideas, opinions, and options.
3. The person threatens our needs. The person threatens to take away a basic need from us if they don’t get their way, that is, “I’ll make sure I don’t work in this city again.”
4. We get frustrated. Our tolerance level for doing things can be low or affected by a number of environmental factors in our lives.
Factors that reduce our tolerance for frustration
1. Stress / Anxiety. When our stress level increases, our tolerance for frustration decreases. That is why there are so many domestic disputes and divorces due to financial problems.
2. Bread. Physical and emotional pain reduce our tolerance for frustration. This is because we are so focused on taking care of our survival needs that we don’t have time for anything or anyone else.
3. Drugs / Alcohol. Drugs and alcohol affect the way our brain processes information and can make a person more irritable or bring up repressed emotions or memories that can trigger anger.
4. Recent irritations. Recent irritations can also be called “having a bad day.” It is the small irritations that accumulate during the course of the day that reduce our tolerance for frustration. Recent irritations can be: stepping in a puddle, spilling coffee on your shirt, being late for work, being stuck in a traffic jam, having a flat tire.
Recognizing the physiological signs of anger
By recognizing the physiological signs of anger, we can tune in to know when it is time to take action to ensure that our anger level does not get out of control. Here are some symptoms of anger:
1. Unconscious tensing of muscles, especially in the face and neck.
2. Grinding your teeth
3. Respiratory rate increases dramatically
4. The face becomes red and the veins begin to become visible due to the increase in blood pressure.
5. The face turns pale
6. sweating
7. Sensation of heat or cold
8. Trembling in the hands
9. Goose bumps
10. Heart rate increases
11. Adrenaline is released into your system creating a surge of energy.
Do I have the right to be angry?
Damn, you’re right. You have your own perception and expectation of the world you live in and when the reality you live in does not meet your expectations, then yes, you have the right to be angry. After all, if everyone thought alike, then the world would be a pretty boring place to live. You will run into situations that you will not enjoy. You will come across people who don’t respect your views and ideas. The feeling of anger is fully justified according to your beliefs, so do not suppress or deny those feelings.
Having the right to be angry does not mean that you have the right to lash out in anger by attacking the other person. You can’t change other people’s opinions to fit your own because, like you, they have their own right to defend their worldview. The best thing to do is acknowledge your anger and focus on the problem rather than its counterpart.
Key points
Being angry or frustrated is like being under the influence of a drug. It prevents you from rationalizing and thinking logically.
Anger is caused by a combination of an irrational perception of reality and a low point of frustration.
Anger is a natural response and you have every right to be angry, but you must learn to control that anger during a negotiation because once you react in any negotiation, you lose the deal.