What might stand out, if a man were to step back and reflect on his life, is that he has felt responsible for his mother for as long as he can remember. He could see that this not only related to his physical well-being, but also to his happiness.
Therefore, he will feel the need to make sure that she is in a good place physically, mentally, and emotionally. By doing so, much of her energy will be directed towards her.
a focus
If he isn’t doing things for her, he probably spends a lot of time thinking about what he could or should be doing for her. Plus, he could spend a lot of time worrying if she’s okay.
With so much of their time and energy directed at their mothers, it won’t be a surprise if their own life ends up being neglected. Your life will not come close to what it could be or could be a complete disaster.
spread too thin
However, if your priority is making sure your mom is okay and pleasing her, this is to be expected. She is likely to be a very watered down version of himself and this will mean that she will not be at her best.
Ultimately, he can be there for his mother or he can be there for himself; he cannot do both. This is not to say that being there for yourself means turning your back on this mother completely.
A big difference
Both he and his mother are adults, and to be more precise, they are individual persons, so he is not responsible for their physical or mental and emotional well-being. Also, he is his son, not his mother or his father.
So just as he is responsible for his own physical, mental, and emotional health, so is his mother. He can take care of her and do certain things, but there is not much he can do.
One step too far
Due to the fact that you are so focused on your needs, you may rarely realize that you are crossing the line. This will prevent him from realizing that even though she is his son, he acts more like his father.
She then has her own life to live, but acts more like an extension of her mother. Her needs are the priority and her needs are secondary and, as a result, her life ends up being greatly diminished, if not totally destroyed.
something is not right
Behaving this way is likely to be what feels comfortable and is seen as the right thing to do. That’s why it will behave this way; if he didn’t feel good, there would be no reason for him to do it.
However, since behaving in this way doesn’t serve you, it shouldn’t be what feels comfortable or seen as the right thing to do. Along with this, her behavior is unlikely to serve her mother, as she is likely to prevent her from taking responsibility for her own life or getting the proper support she needs, that is if she is unable to cope. By herself.
Going back, way back
When it comes to why he feels responsible for his mother and neglects his own life, it’s probably because of what happened during his early years. At this stage in his life, he may have been seen as an extension of his mother and someone who was there to meet his needs.
In all likelihood, he would have had two types of needs: adult and unmet child needs. It is likely that this happened subconsciously, without her even being aware of what was happening and the damage that was being caused.
Two parts
Her mother might not have been close to her father or her father might not have been close, and this might have played a role in why she had unmet adult needs. As for her unmet childhood needs, there is a possibility that one of her caregivers also used her in the same way, causing her to be in an undeveloped state, shut down her heart and unable to commit. truly with another adult.
Had her father been emotionally available, he would have played a role in allowing her to begin the individuation process and slowly leave “her mother’s world.” This would have allowed him to transition from an entangled symbiotic state and gradually develop a strong sense of self.
fed the wolves
Having a mother who unconsciously and perhaps at times consciously saw him as her possession and a father who couldn’t be there for him would have meant he was abandoned. Even when he was not physically abandoned, there would be no one there to care for him and protect him, to tune in to his needs: he was totally helpless.
The way he was treated day in and day out would have overwhelmed him and prevented him from being able to go through each stage of development and grow emotionally. He would have come to believe that his needs were bad and his survival would have become attached to his mother.
The truth
The problem is that at this stage of his life he would have been self-centered, which would have led him to take everything personally. This, in addition to being mentally underdeveloped, would have prevented him from questioning what was going on and seeing that his parents had problems and that there was nothing inherently wrong with him or his needs.
Now, as an adult, the experiences you had and the meaning you made all those years ago will be defining the thoughts and feelings you have and your behavior. For his life to change, what is happening at a deeper level will have to change.
Awareness
If a man can relate to this and is ready to turn his life around, he may need to seek outside support. This is something that can be provided with the help of a therapist or healer.